World Wide Wednesday – February 17, 2016

It’s World Wide Wednesday! Here’s what’s news in the world of foster care and adoption around the web:

• Understanding the Costs of Adoption
  For many families, the financial aspect of preparation is the most daunting. Adoption often comes at a significant cost. Prospective parents field questions from family and friends who wonder “Why is adoption so expensive?”

• Preparing for your taxes
  Information for foster, adoptive, and kinship families
• The State of Grandfamilies in America
  This report from Generations United identifies key state laws and policies specifically designed to address barriers and better support grandparents and other relatives raising children.
• International Adoption Myths

Have news you’d like to share? Please post in our comments!

Inclusion in this post does not imply an endorsement by the Coalition for Children, Youth & Families. The Coalition is not responsible for the content of these resources.

World Wide Wednesday – February 10, 2016

It’s World Wide Wednesday! Here’s what’s news in the world of foster care and adoption around the web:

• The Reality of Child Sex Trafficking and Foster Children

• An Online Space for Youth in Foster Care
  The Think of Us Storyboard Project encourages youth to share their stories through written formats and visual media, such as video. The program also includes workshops and coaching to show youth how to effectively tell their stories, as well as a school-to-work curriculum that helps youth develop and strengthen their interview skills.
• Who, or What, Is In the Best Interest of This Foster Child?
  “After more than eight months in our care, BlueJay’s future is starting to sharpen slightly into focus. Or rather, the number of possible futures are narrowing down.”
• Black Goes with Everything: On White Parents Adopting Black Children
  “The mindset that this black child is no different from any other child is a naiveté the adoptive parent cannot afford, and for which the adopted child will pay.”
  

Have news you’d like to share? Please post in our comments!

Inclusion in this post does not imply an endorsement by the Coalition for Children, Youth & Families. The Coalition is not responsible for the content of these resources.

Please don’t take my sunshine away

“From the first day I received foster care placement of my son, then three months old, I sang him ‘You are My Sunshine’ constantly. But I always skipped over the ‘Please don’t take my sunshine away’ part. I’d fallen in love with him the moment our eyes met, and the thought of letting him go was devastating. But it wasn’t about me. And for his sake, I wished for a happy healthy reunification. But it just wasn’t meant to be. A couple of years passed and I was asked if I’d be willing to adopt. A couple more years passed, and we had an adoption date. I remember every detail of that day. He wore little cuffed corduroys, an oxford shirt, and suede wingtips. I remember family and friends with balloons and cameras at the ready. I remember the judge letting him bang the gavel to finalize his own adoption.

“I remember walking out of Children’s Court on what should have been the happiest day of my life feeling the most unexpected profound sadness.

“How could everyone around us be celebrating? Didn’t they understand the depth of his loss? He no longer “legally” had siblings. His ties to his birth family have been severed. What must they be feeling today? And who could possibly understand the grief I’m feeling?”

Post Adoption Depression. Surely such a thing can’t exist for new adoptive parents? The finalization of an adoption is the happy ending to what has often been a lengthy, nerve-wracking, emotional roller coaster ride. What possible reason could there be to be depressed when it finally ends?

There are a number of reasons that new parents might experience post-adoption depression, including:

• Adoption may highlight unresolved fertility issues
• You may not feel an immediate bond with your child, as you expected
• The reality of parenting may not match expectations as you’d imagined them
• You’ve experienced a major life change that requires an adjustment period
• You may have a relationship with the birth family and cannot help but feel for their loss, even if they have voluntarily relinquished parental rights

Many new adoptive parents might feel reluctant to reach out for help, because most have spent a great deal of time and energy convincing their adoption worker what a great home they can provide for a child. A big step in coping with post-adoption depression is knowing you are not alone and seeking out help. Parenting is hard, for ANY parent. It rarely comes as “naturally” as we imagine it would, for both mothers and fathers.

Some Suggestions for How to Feel Better

• Connect with a local adoption support group
• Reach out to a therapist who specializes in adoption issues
• Ask your case worker for information regarding post-adoption resources
• Check out online adoption forums, groups, and chat boards
• Join a weekly play group with other adoptive families

Please know that you don’t have to go through your journey along. The Coalition for Children, Youth & Families is here to help and support you and your whole family. For more information on post-adoption and other resources, please contact us.

World Wide Wednesday – January 27, 2016

It’s World Wide Wednesday! Here’s what’s news in the world of foster care and adoption around the web:

• Raising a Child of Color in America – While White
  Our country is far from a “post-racial” society, as this last year has demonstrated. How can you ensure that your child will grow up feeling safe, secure in his identity, and close to your family? Commit to calling out racism and fighting injustice wherever you see it. 
• Celebrating Diversity in Your Family
  Two white girls get black dolls for Christmas and what happens next is not at all shocking
• 5 Misconceptions about Foster Adoptions that May be Holding You Back

• 10 Reasons to Foster a Teen in Foster Care

Have news you’d like to share? Please post in our comments!

Inclusion in this post does not imply an endorsement by the Coalition for Children, Youth & Families. The Coalition is not responsible for the content of these resources.

World Wide Wednesday – January 20, 2016

It’s World Wide Wednesday! Here’s what’s news in the world of foster care and adoption around the web:

• The January edition of Adoption Advocate is always dedicated to presenting NCFA’s policy priorities for the coming year and related legislation. NCFA rarely endorses specific legislation, but instead prioritizes educating key legislators and policymakers on the policies and practices that will provide essential services and the best possible support for children outside permanent family care, adopted individuals, birth parents, and adoptive families. As we outline our priorities in this article, we will also take the opportunity to mention current pending legislation related to those priorities.
• How to Adopt from Foster Care
  Every one of the 107,918 children currently waiting in U.S. foster care deserves a stable, loving, permanent home. What about yours?
• Facts about adopting an older child (above the age of three)

Have news you’d like to share? Please post in our comments!

Inclusion in this post does not imply an endorsement by the Coalition for Children, Youth & Families. The Coalition is not responsible for the content of these resources.

World Wide Wednesday – January 13, 2016

It’s World Wide Wednesday! Here’s what’s news in the world of foster care and adoption around the web:

•  10 Things Young People Want You to Know: Child welfare professionals work for—and on behalf of—young people who often feel ignored. This reality makes it all the more important that youth feel like their opinion matters and that they are a part of choosing their family.

  The National Resource Center for Permanency and Family Connections (no longer in operation) and the Virginia Department of Social Services combined efforts to publish a document titled, “Ten Things that Youth Want Child Welfare Professionals to Know: Engaging Youth in Foster Care” (PDF – 185 KB). These tips came from youth who had been adopted and youth still in foster care who shared their experiences and advice. The tips touch on youth’s requests that workers listen to their opinion, involve them in creating their permanency plan, and build trust with them.

  The common theme is that youth desire to be heard and involved in their own permanency.

• Answering Relatives’ Tricky Questions about Adoption: When a family member asks a rude question about adoption or birth mothers, you can’t use a snappy comeback. Here’s how to educate and maintain privacy.
• Parenting a Child Who Has Experienced Trauma: Children who have experienced traumatic events need to feel safe and loved. All parents want to provide this kind of nurturing home for their children. However, when parents do not have an understanding of the effects of trauma, they may misinterpret their child’s behavior and end up feeling frustrated or resentful. Their attempts to address troubling behavior may be ineffective or, in some cases, even harmful.

  This factsheet discusses the nature of trauma, its effects on children and youth, and ways to help your child. By increasing your understanding of trauma, you can help support your child’s healing, your relationship with him or her, and your family as a whole.

Have news you’d like to share? Please post in our comments!

Inclusion in this post does not imply an endorsement by the Coalition for Children, Youth & Families. The Coalition is not responsible for the content of these resources.

World Wide Wednesday – January 6, 2016

It’s World Wide Wednesday! Here’s what’s news in the world of foster care and adoption around the web:

•  The ‘Flip The Script: Adult Adoptee Anthology’ has been released! The book is a diverse compilation of literature and art from adopted persons around the world.
• Four Critical Elements of Connection: All learning begins with connection! Connections on the outside (with other people) actually create and strengthen neural connections within the brain. Eye contact, presence, touch and a playful setting are the four core components required to truly connect with others. Learn how to provide all four essential elements (and why) with this helpful guide.

• Adoption Disruption: The Elephant in the Room
  Disruption.  I’ve always hated that word when referring to adoption. A movie might be disrupted by a noisy patron; a bus service line might be disrupted by a mechanical failure; sleep might be disrupted by a thunderstorm.  But to ‘disrupt’ an adoption signifies something much greater.
• In 2016, America could finally have clear, nationwide information about the success rate of adoptions from foster care. But will it tell the whole story?

Have news you’d like to share? Please post in our comments!

Inclusion in this post does not imply an endorsement by the Coalition for Children, Youth & Families. The Coalition is not responsible for the content of these resources.

Under the Umbrella: 7 Tips for Success as a Foster Parent

Foster Parents muster a myriad of skills to care for the children in their home and ensure their journey through the foster care system is as smooth as possible. Below are 7 key skills the most successful foster parents employ on a daily basis.

1. Patience: You may have heard the adage that “patience is a virtue;” well, for foster parents, patience is a way of life. As a foster parent, you will have many moments where your patience is tested. You will have to be patient during licensing, waiting for placements, court processes, and you will no doubt have your patience tested by the children who enter your home. Staying grounded in the mission to see a child through to permanence will help you cope during particular trying times.

   Check out this tip sheet if you are reaching your boiling point.
   

2. Communication: Being a good communicator is vital to being a good foster parent. When you take placement of a child, you will have to communicate a lot of information to child’s worker, the treatment team, and even in court. However, what makes a great communicator is not just the ability to relay information to interested parties, it’s the ability to ask questions, seek assistance, and communicate your own needs.
3. Understanding Trauma: Trauma and loss are cornerstones of foster care. The children who enter foster care experience trauma through abuse or neglect, and a series of losses they endure by being placed outside of their homes and biological families. Good foster parents understand the role that trauma is playing in the lives and behaviors of the children in their home. However, the best foster parents understand how trauma impacts their lives and the lives of their family members. Parenting a child with a history of trauma is in itself a traumatic experience for many foster parents and foster parents should be mindful of things like vicarious trauma and compassion fatigue that can lead to burn out.

   For more tips on trauma in children check out this tip sheet.

4. Team Work: When it comes to caring for a child in foster care, there are many members of that child’s team. These team members often include birth family, social workers, therapists, and doctors, not to mention lawyers and judges. Although sometimes it may feel that some members of the team have competing interests, foster parents are most successful when they find meaningful ways to work with the team to meet the needs of the children in care. Mastering the above skills of patience and communication will help you work as a member of the team to shepherd a foster child to permanence, no matter what that looks like.

   For more tips on team work check out this tip sheet.

5. Support Network: The journey of being a foster parent is not one you have to take on your own. Successful foster parents take the time to identify the people in their lives that can provide support throughout the process. This can include partners, neighbors, and friends, but it also can include other foster parents and even the child’s birth family.
6. Self-Care: When you are caring for other people, particularly children, it is often easy to forget to care for yourself. Successful foster parents are dedicated and hardworking, but they also know that, to be most effective, they need take time for themselves. For ideas on how to take care of yourself please check out this tip sheet.
7. The Ability to Let Go: It was mentioned earlier that loss is a cornerstone of the foster care experience. This is true for the children and birth families, but is also certainly true for foster parents, too. The primary goal for foster care is to reunify children with their birth families and, in Wisconsin, 60-70% of children who enter care are eventually reunified with their birth families. It’s important to understand this and keep this mind, and prepare yourself for losing a child that you have come to love and care for. Successful foster parents understand that, when a child reaches permanence, either through reunification or through adoption or guardianship, it’s a wonderful outcome for children worth celebrating.
   For more tips on reunification check out this tip sheet.

Please remember that the staff and Resource Specialists at the Coalition are always here for you, whether you need additional information and resources, support services, or just someone to talk to. You can email us at info@coalitionforcyf.org or give us a call at 414-475-1246 or 800-762-8063.

World Wide Wednesday – December 23, 2015

It’s World Wide Wednesday! Here’s what’s news in the world of foster care and adoption around the web:

• How heroin is hitting the foster care system
  The increasing pressure rising heroin use is putting on child welfare systems—and the ways that several states are tackling it by expanding addiction services—are the topics of this Pew Charitable Trusts Stateline article. Read the article.

• “Seven Ways Parents Can Help 13-Year-Olds Start Their Social Media Lives Right”
  This New York Times Motherlode column discusses a recent movie and study about teens’ use of social media. Included in the findings: “Children who felt like their parents were monitoring their activity online were noticeably less distressed by online conflict.” Read the article on the NYT website.

• The Foster Care Adoption Process: The foster care adoption process can be difficult for parents to understand. Two legal experts break it down, step-by-step, to help you figure out if fost/adopt is right for your family.
• Adoption Photo Album – 2015 Holiday Photo Contest
  We want to see your best seasonal shots! Please share photos of your kids or family celebrating the holidays, from Thanksgiving through New Year’s, including the photo you used on this year’s holiday card.

  This contest opens Monday, November 9, 2015 at 9 am ET and closes Monday, January 4, 2016 at 11:59 pm ET. One winner and three runners up will have their photos featured in e-newsletters and online.

Have news you’d like to share? Please post in our comments!

Inclusion in this post does not imply an endorsement by the Coalition for Children, Youth & Families. The Coalition is not responsible for the content of these resources.

World Wide Wednesday – December 16, 2015

It’s World Wide Wednesday! Here’s what’s news in the world of foster care and adoption around the web:

• “The Love That Stayed” 
  The author fostered—and fell in love with—a little boy who was reunited with his birth family. Thirteen years later, she received an email that would turn her world upside down.
• Part of bringing home a child from an institution or out-of-family care involves careful preparation.  When your new arrival has medical needs, the time to plan is before you travel!

  This week’s feature article, Top 5 Ways to Prepare for Bringing Home an Adoptive Child with Needs provides a checklist for families to consider and follow.

• Illustration: We Never Outgrow the Need for Family – Children need love and encouragement throughout their lives.
• “Of all the kids, they picked me!”
  At 15 years old, Crystalanne had given up on family. Until a couple in Texas spotted her profile on adoptuskids.org, and everything changed. Read her story.

Have news you’d like to share? Please post in our comments!

Inclusion in this post does not imply an endorsement by the Coalition for Children, Youth & Families. The Coalition is not responsible for the content of these resources.